Pepperdine Alumnus Who Wanted Ring by Spring to Cash Unemployment Checks This Spring

DALLAS, TX - Wednesday afternoon, sources confirmed that recent Pepperdine graduate, Thomas Andrews, 23, who enrolled at Pepperdine University in 2014 in part hoping to be engaged by graduation, was considering filing for unemployment. The former DPS officer and recent graduate with a degree in Integrated Marketing Communications Andrews, who had heard the love stories of people proposing on the beaches of Malibu and who had envisioned how he himself would do it once he found the perfect girl for him in one of his classes or in campus ministry, was reportedly living at home; sending out Linkedin requests to alumni, who were probably too busy to bother to respond to his messages asking for advice, in the field he was struggling to break into; and weighing the pros and cons of filing for unemployment. Sources close to the situation stated that self-labeled Heidelberg alum Andrews, who had thought that he, after not ending up in a relationship his freshman year, would definitely meet someone his second year abroad with whom he would go on romantic dates all across Europe and have candle-lit dinners as the sun set on their fairytale of a town, had considered going to his old job at the local grocery store but didn’t want his old coworkers to feel pity for him and was now trying to figure out how much unemployment checks would net him every month. Andrews, who graduated with a 3.4 GPA and had long ago wondered when he would get the opportunity to sit on a DTR bench with a girl and pour out his feelings and have them returned in a pure moment between them and Christ, was now hesitant to hang out with his highschool friends who all either had jobs or were enrolled in graduate schools, while he himself was researching how long unemployment benefits would last, according to our reporter on the ground.

At press time, sources reported that Andrews just received an email notification from Pepperdine’s Communication division letting him know that, while they were impressed with his qualifications, they would pursue other candidates for the Administrative Assistant position, the job that he had applied to in August in an attempt to extend his time on the beautiful seaside campus where hope of finding love flourished. The email ending notifying Andrew that the division was appreciative of his interest and wished him the best of luck on his career search.