Jesus Saves Halloween
MALIBU, CA - Jesus was spotted trick-or-treating last night at Pepperdine. One of our sources stalked him up Baxter Drive and managed to extract some information from the robed and bearded man holding carpenter tools.
UT: Hey Jesus, you’re Jesus right?
Jesus: Yeah?
UT: What brings you to this beautiful campus?
Jesus: The candy… gotta feed the 5,000 you know. I’m trying to distribute Swedish Fish.
UT: Many people at this university admire you deeply. Would you say that you have a solid following?
Jesus: A couple years ago I was doing very well on YikYak. I learned much about the concerns of Pepperdine students and why I came to save the world in the first place.
UT: Can you elaborate on that sir?
Jesus: There were plenty of thirsty people online. After much browsing, I realized that they were thirsting for my love, the spring of eternal life. I tried turning water into wine but the administration started to act like the Pharisees back home so I called it a night.
UT: Okay, so could you tell me about the Trinity.
Jesus: So you know what a fidget spinner...
UT: You are an interesting man… Do you have any additional plans for tonight?
Jesus: Just want to test the waters at the alumni pond.
UT: I would like to see that. Just be careful around the DPS officers.
Jesus: I can imagine. They’re just Disciples Preventing Sin. God be with them.
The source claims that Jesus then disappeared. Later that evening a DPS officer saw a man scaling Phillips Theme Tower and fly away. He left nothing but an opened bag of Life Savers.
“Jesus works in mysterious ways” a witness commented.
The University Chaplain could not be reached for comment on this matter.
