HAWC Mulling Replacing Clif Bars With Good Snack
MALIBU, CA - In an unexpected departure from the their current granola bar rack design, Sodexo management revealed Tuesday that the company is currently considering replacing Clif Bars with something that tastes good.
“While as of now we offer a variety of flavors of the brand’s granolas bars, none of which leave a memorable or at all good taste in the mouths of the students who purchase the product at the register for $5.00, we are considering replacing the selection with granola bars or healthy snacks from a different brand,” said Sodexo manager David Lee.
Lee added that the Pepperdine food provider is exploring a wide variety of options to replace the granola bars that feel and taste like clay squeezed in the palm of a sweaty five-year-old and then stored in the refrigerator.
“We feel as if it is time to move on from the granola bars that have the inside texture of soggy granola bars that people only buy when they want to pick up something quick in the morning and forget how difficult Clif Bars are to chew in addition to simply tasting shitty,” said Lee.
At press time, Sodexo had reportedly abandoned the idea and added the Nuts and Seeds flavor of Clif
Bars to the rack, which is already being described by students as, “tasting like the aged and molded vomit of small woodland creatures.”
