Pepperdine Bulldozes Entire Campus
MALIBU, CA - In a swift but not wholly unexpected chain of events, a construction company contracted by Pepperdine University has bulldozed the entire Malibu campus. Starting Monday with the newly renovated library and the parking lots, the construction company has leveled the entire infrastructure.
“It was time for a remodeling,” a representative from the college’s administration said.
“We listened to and understood the student body’s complaints regarding how the construction crews had been loud and not entirely conducive to a learning and studying atmosphere as wrecking balls decimated literally every building in the zip code in biblical fashion. We ask that they continue to show their patience and resilience as we get through this process.”
The official added that ear plugs have been provided to the on-campus students who now have to deal with the noise of excavators uprooting the foundations of their former places of residence.
The project has, as of yet, apparently not gotten in the way of prospective students being taken on student employee-led tours of the undergraduate campus. Sources reported tour guides stopping at and explaining the tour’s usual points of interest, displaying the dirt and rubble of places such as the freshman dorms as if they were remnants of a once-great civilization almost all but lost in the great ether that is time. Tour guides have been quoted as saying, “We know it appears to be a work in progress right now, but rest assured, the campus will be even more beautiful than ever, when it is ever completed.”
When pressed with questions regarding how the students would attend classes while the rebuilding with a scale of unprecedented proportions is underway, the representative said, “There is a network of underground hubs in the greater Los Angeles Area where the students will attend their usual lectures and labs and some of the teachers will live. We believe this will prove to be an adequate temporary substitute until the project is completed.”
The representative furthered, explaining students will still be able to visit the HAWC as it will also be a part of the underground network of hubs, and the food will be funneled in from the surface world through an intricate and efficient series of tubes.
“We’re doing our best to ensure the students will barely notice the drastic change in lifestyle they are seconds from undergoing.”
When asked for the main reason for the decade-long construction plan underway, administration cited a need for more “architectural and aesthetic consistency.”
